they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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