I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize
