Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
