Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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