I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize