I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
pray to the hookup gods
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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