doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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