Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You're like the curious george of whores
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just puked most of my soul out..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize