for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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