did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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