have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
