I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
