Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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