I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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