YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
