HIV tests are more positive than that guy
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Randomize
