I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
