textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
