Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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