I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
