We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
