Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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