i may or may not be watching the land before time
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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