Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
honey bunches of taint.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
