i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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