I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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