oh god the rape fog is back!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
His nipple licking is glorious
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