He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
