I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
