it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
