remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
