you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
