Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
why do cheetos always look like penises
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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