RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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