My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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