Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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