She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
