If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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