you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
