Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
