If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
