I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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