Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
