I think my vagina is haunted
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i think i scared a bird with my dick
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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