dude i'm inner monologue high
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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