What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
