He is an equal opportunity slut.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
