it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
