Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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