Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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