His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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