I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
