O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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