Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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