dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
