i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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