I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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