Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
