I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
