I wish I could punch you in the face.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
