Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
