moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
