marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I need moral support for this bender
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
