i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
