Your mouth is God's brothel.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize