I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
