she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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