you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
