I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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