Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
