you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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