White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
