Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
