So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
