gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
