I love black thongs
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize