it hurts more in the daytime
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
