Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
