the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
is that a dick in a sweater?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
