i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
