She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
