Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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