Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize