ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
this boner is exhausting
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize