who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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