dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
