so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
