On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
