I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
